Divorce

This week we talked about divorce. I thankfully never had to suffer the affects of my parents divorcing, but my fiance unfortunately had to. When I first met him and he told me that his parents were divorced it honestly actually scared me because I didn't think he would want to pursue a relationship with me. I don't think parents realize how much stress this puts on the kids. I know that my fiances parents did not get divorced until he was 19 years old. He said he came home from his first semester of college and his parents told him and he said it was out of the blue. It is sad because he has a 9 year old brother that has to go back and forth between both parents and it is so hard for him. My fiance also has to communicate for his parents and gets caught in the middle of things. Especially when we were planning our wedding this semster it has been really hard communicating between both.

In class we talked about how 70% of men will remarry within 2 years after getting divorced. My fiances father did get remarried a couple years after and now he has a blended family and has 3 new step-siblings. He refuses to call his step-mother a "step-mother" and pretty much just ignores what that family does. I know it is hard on him though because he is extremely close to his Dad and he says it is just awkward to be there when the rest of his family "step" family is.

Parenting

This week we talked about parenting. 

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

I wanted to start off with sharing this paragraph from the Proclamation to the World because in this paragraph it outlines what parents duties are. I especially like the last sentence because it really shows the importance of parenting. It is also scary because you want to make sure that you do everything you can to raise your child in the right way so that Heavenly Father will be proud and happy. 

I cannot wait to be a parent, to be a mom. I cannot wait for that moment that I get to see my children for the first time after giving birth. Parenthood is one of the hardest things to do and mothers and fathers never get released from this calling.

It is important to remember that the way we parent will affect our children long term and so we need to make sure that we are doing the very best we can and are becoming active parents. 

My parents are the most amazing people in the world and I am grateful for the way that they raised me and I hope that I can be just like them one day. 

Work and the Home

I thought this weeks focus was very good and I felt like it had dealt with a lot of decisions that I will have to make probably sooner than later. We talked about the trend of female employment and how mothers are now getting jobs outside of the home instead of staying home and taking care of the kids. Ever since I was a little girl I have dreamed of being a mom. I wanted nothing more than to be a stay at home mom that cooked and cleaned and raised the kids. I thought it was so interesting how women view "homemakers" as something negative. I do not think there is one single negative thing about it. My fiance grew up differently than I did because his mother had a really good full-time job and he was raised by a nanny. It was a really awkward conversation about how he expects me to have a well paying job just like his mom did. I grew up with a mom that stayed at home and worked from home.

On Friday Brother Williams asked us to make sure that we put away our technology and I was kind of mad because I would always play on my phone. However, I put my phone away and the lesson was so good! Now I will always make sure to put my phone away :) We talked about finances and read Marvin J. Ashtons pamphlet called "One for the Money". Since I am getting married in 18 days (YAY!) finances have been on my mind a lot and I worry a lot. I thought this pamphlet was so handy! I guess you could say my testimony of not just tithing, but saving money in general was strengthened. I am excited to make a budget with my fiance and to try and do the best we can!

Here is the link for One for the Money: 

http://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/33293_eng.pdf

Communication

This week we talked about communication and how important it really is. Brother Williams shared a quote from Harold B. Lee that I loved.

"We should communicate so clearly not only that we can be understood, but that we cannot be misunderstood"

This is something that I really want to take to heart. I know that I struggle with sharing my feelings. I usually shut up and become silent when something bad happens. I can tell that friends, family, and mostly my fiance have become annoyed and frustrated with this. I do not know why it is so hard for me to communicate how I am feeling verbally. This is something that I am working on every day to get better at so that I can have a successful marriage and eventually family. This class is teaching me so much and preparing me so much for my future. 

Stress and Families

As for me and my family we haven't had a "huge" stress that was put on our family. We have gone through some trials, but nothing that was terribly huge or scary. However, as I was thinking about this topic I thought about my best friends family. When she was 12 her dad got a brain tumor and I remember her spending the night the night he went to the hospital  It was so hard to watch my friend and her family go through this, but now when I look at her family they are so strong and so close. Her dad got the tumor removed with no complications and today he is one huge example to people all over. He is the most positive guy and when he talks about his trial he talks about how he is glad that it happened.

During class we learned that in Chinese the word crisis means danger + opportunity  I thought that was incredible...I think that is something we need to think about more. How when crisis comes it can be dangerous and scary, but it will be filled with opportunity!

Marital Intimacy

This week (Feb. 25-Mar. 1) was filled with a ton of information regarding sexuality. I found a lot of this information very informative since I am getting married soon. I think of the main things I learned is that sex between husband and wife is a good thing and helps you bond together. Since I am also taking Family Foundations this semester we have also discussed this topic. It makes me sad to think so many people view sex as such a bad thing. I wasn't raised that it was a bad thing, but I was raised that it was also a good thing either. I don't ever remember my parents sitting down and talking to me about it. I remember many young women lessons on this topic and to be honest sex scared me. Now that I am older and way more mature, when I think about sex I view it as a beautiful and sacred thing that God gave to us. I am anxious to be able to share this special thing with my husband next month. I also learned this week that I want to make a plan on how and when I am going to have "the talk" with my kids. I think it is so important to make sure that we as parents are able to open up to our kids and talk to them about it. I do not want my kids to be afraid to talk to me about and to learn about it from their peers.

Marital Challenges

This week we talked about marriage transitions. I thought it was really interesting since I am getting married in a couple of months and it was a good lesson to help me prepare for the changes that are going to occur after I get married. I think it is a good thing that we are learning to work together right now in times of stress because we are learning how to cope with it and work together when times are hard. I think this will prepare us for when something in life comes and knocks us down because we will know what it is like to work together and not be stressed.

Love

I thought it was perfect that we talked about "Falling in Love" the day before Valentines Day. In our preparation for this class period we were supposed to define love. This was a lot harder to do than I thought it would be. There are so many different definitions you could have. I came up with a few.

-Willing to do anything for someone and giving up anything to make them happy under the proper circumstances
-Willing to give everything to see them happy
-Tender unconditional affection
-A warm blanket being wrapped around my body

Then we went over the 4 different greek words that all translate to love.

• Storge=the kind of love found in the affection between parents and their children.
• Philia= the kind of love that exsists between friends. (highest form of love to the greeks)
• Eros= we get eros from the word erotic and this is the love between a man and woman (it includes sexual love, but it is more than a desire for sex and is more than lust)
• Agape= love that is dependent of one's feelings for another.

Then we discussed what kind of love you should have when you get married and as we discussed this it became important that we have all 4 kinds of love between our spouses and ourselves.

Divine Roles of Men & Women

I know that I already posted this on this weeks discussion board, but I just want to restate again how I feel about this particular subject.

I love learning about this topic. I remember in my prep for marriage class last semester we also spent two days discussing this. There are so many great talks and information from general authorites. I love this quote by Elder James E. Faust. “The Lord values his daughters just as much as he does his sons. In marriage, neither is superior; each has a different primary and divine responsibility”. I love how he says that men and women are equal and how he says that we both have different and divine responsiblities. Our gender has always existed. We do not really understand the differences that we both have, but they were divinely appointed to us. Women are the nurturers. Men the providers. For as long as I can remember I have been taught the importance of becoming a mother. It is my divine responsiblity. Today in the world these roles and responbilities can get so intertwined and confused. I am not saying it is a bad thing if the mom goes to work, but I know that if she can stay home with the kids she should stay home with the kids. I am engaged and my fiance grew up in a completely different family then I did. I had a stay at home mom and my dad went to work everyday to provide for my family. Both of his parents worked full time jobs are were rarely home. He had a nanny. I have always been taught the importance of the mom being in the home and so this was a bit of a shock to me. It was a little awkward at first because he expected me to do just what his mother did and I have always planned on doing what my mother did. I think that if his mother was in the home more while growing up, he would not have gone through some of the stuff he did. I am not saying that moms that go to work are destroying their kids in anyway. I just believe that we should do that we need to do in order to help our families out as best we can. Yes, I do believe that men and women are different for a reason and because of that reason men and women become complementary to one another.

 

This is one of my favorite stories about this topic:

 

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?” She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?” “Yes” was his incredulous reply. She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it."

 

 

Does Family Size Matter?

This past week we have discussed family sizes. It is really interesting because right now I am taking Enviromental Stewardship and we have been talking about over-population and then I came to this class and we discussed and watched videos about how the world population will end up decreasing soon because nobody is having kids. I am so glad I have always been taught to "multiply and replenish the earth" because I have always desired to have a big family. It is only fair to those children who are waiting to come down and recieve their own body. I am also taking Family Foundations where we were talking about how children are entitled to both a mother and a father and it is only fair to a child to grow up with both a mother and father. Today in class we discussed family systems and we have talked about how imporant it is for a mother and father to be happy so that they can work together and raise a family that is happy and as problem free as they can be. I think it is so cool how all of my classes are intertwined!!!!!!!

Family 106-Family Relations

For a class assignment we were asked to create blogs where we would be able to post things we have read and discussed in class, our own observations and discoveries, fun stories, inspirational thoughts, hopes, dreams, goals, a family mission statement, key principles, or prophetic counsel on marriage and family life! I am extremely excited to take this class and I cannot wait to learn more about marriage and family. I am especially excited since I am getting married in April and someday soon I will begin to start my own family!